$GERALD

He's been in the S&P since 1987. Now the S&P is in him.

A memecoin paired with the S&P 500. Gerald still won't buy it.

CA: at launch X
Gerald, a 61-year-old man in a studio portrait, looking unimpressed
GERALD

Things Gerald has said

Gerald with his arms crossed
GERALD
Just buy the index fund and don't look at it for thirty years. I haven't looked at mine since 2009. It's fine. I think.GERALD, at Thanksgiving
Gerald holding a phone
GERALD
The money guy on TV last night and he said to be cautious. So I'm cautious. Again.GERALD, on the couch
Gerald reading a printed newspaper
GERALD
I printed your email so I could read it properly. Four pages. Why is there a picture of a frog?GERALD, by the printer
Gerald giving a thumbs down
GERALD
The market always comes back. Always. Ask me about 2008. Actually, don't.GERALD, calmly
Gerald peeking from the side
GERALD
You're putting money in the bitcoins? With the little dog? I'm not mad, I'm just writing it down.GERALD, with a notepad
Gerald shrugging
GERALD
Gerald here, call me back. Also, call me back. Also, I'm leaving a second voicemail because the first one cut off.GERALD, voicemail 3 of 3
Gerald, wide studio portrait
GERALD

Gerald reacts

Gerald giving a thumbs down
GERALD

BITCOIN HITS A HIGH

"Probably a bubble."

Gerald shrugging
GERALD

A COIN GOES 100X

"You'll pay tax on that."

Gerald with his arms crossed
GERALD

$GERALD TRADES AGAINST SPY

"So it IS an index fund?"
"No."

Gerald with his arms crossed, unimpressed
GERALD

Are you a Gerald?

1. Someone says "100x." You say:
2. Your phone has:
3. Best gift to give a nephew:

Trades on pair.cx against the SPY token on Robinhood Chain. Supply and CA at launch. No team bag hidden anywhere. Gerald is fictional. Not affiliated with Robinhood, SPDR or State Street. Not financial advice (Gerald would want you to talk to an advisor).